I just completed a much needed and very inspirational phone call with my book coach. Hopefully she will not read this and see that already I am procrastinating about my next assignment. But I needed to express this, for myself and anyone else who can hear me. Thinking about Nothing is the most important thing I do each day. You may call it meditation, prayer, getting in touch with my inner self. All those labels apply to that time that is just mine, to let go and let life pass through the space between my ears. But lately, I haven’t been doing nearly enough Nothing, and it shows.
I’ve been very tense about everything these past few weeks: my daughter starting high school, which means soon she’ll be having all the experiences and adventures of a teenager and will come of age. Exciting and scary at the same time. And work, the day job, has been frantic. Lots of changes, some significant, some silly, like the fact that I’ve had my cube location moved three times in the past three weeks. I’m settling in, and it seems silly, but I began to feel like a transient, fun at first, but eventually frustrating and without stability. And my body keeps me guessing by the moment – hot flashes, muffin tops and excess facial hair all scrambled up in a soup of chaos. I feel like Linda Blair in The Exorcist these days, with no control over my body temperature or disposition. Just a puddle of cold, then hot, pea soup.
So the book, my new book that I’ve been working on these past two years was really coming along and then the work, the flow all halted, abruptly and with no warning. I was Trying to Get the Feelin Again like the best Barry Manilow fan, but nothing. Flat.
Even as I’ve attempted sleep at night (or early morning, thank you menopause), all I can hear is voices, loud ones yelling and trying to get their pointless points across to me as I lay there covered in sweat and unable to rest. I have no idea what they are even talking about.
Now I know what’s been missing. The fuel that energizes me and in spires me to live from moment to moment, savoring each breath without judgment or drama. Well, maybe a little drama for the sake of telling my story.
I have been unable to get to yoga class over the past month, and my new middle age stretch dvd is still in its cellophane wrapper. But I’m already feel better knowing that Nothing is what I’ve needed all along.
Forcing myself to achieve, excel, conquer and be assertive doing it amounts to nothing more than a lopsided pile of horse shit.
Allowing myself breathe, letting thoughts pass through me, existing in the moment gives me the strength to glide on angel wings, get in touch with my soul, and guide me as I tell my story, love and serve my family and friends, and get my job done. I was actually sitting at my desk earlier today with my shoulders scrunched up to my ears as strained to soak up every detail of a conference call in progress. Can’t even tell you what we were all clamoring about, but I’m sure those voices will playback at bedtime as I try to rest. Except now, I feel the muse getting ready to embrace me, and gently move my shoulders down where they belong. I may even be able to see my neck again.
I highly recommend doing absolutely Nothing for at least 20 minutes or so a day, before bed, when you first get up, after lunch. It may sound corny but tune into the universe around you. See, hear, smell, touch and taste God all around you, and inside you. Then you can go back to all the stuff on your to do list.
Thanks Coach ❤