Sometimes You Hurt the One You Love – Or You Just Make Them a Bit Snippy

3/4 front view of a female snapping turtle (Ch...

3/4 front view of a female snapping turtle (Chelydra serpentina), taken near the St. Lawrence River in northern New York state. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Sometimes, worry can totally consumes the Crow.  She doesn’t get out of the house much these days, and with all the rain she can’t even sit on her deck and soak up some sun.  That just amplifies her stress levels.  Today she was worried about a change in my Dad’s meds.  I had all the info, but in addition to calling me about the changes, the doctor’s office also called her.  This is a mistake, because my mother often gets confused and is so worried about potentially getting the instructions wrong, that she invariably will. So she wanted to call me to confirm what she thought she hear about my dad’s potassium dosage.

Except with the Crow, if she calls you and you don’t answer, she just doesn’t leave a message.  She keeps calling you until you pick up the phone.  It doesn’t matter if it’s important or not.  If she wants the answer she will not relent.  So she didn’t.

Sitting in sort of an important meeting I let her first call go.  The second one I began to panic myself: is this an emergency?  I always forget about her compulsion to know the answers when I see that number and “Mom and Dad” come up on my phone more than once.

So I snapped at her a bit. “Mom, you can’t keep calling and hanging up when I don’t answer.  Leave me a message and I’ll call you back as soon as I can.”  It’s awkward taking calls in a very quiet meeting where my boss is presenting important information that I cannot afford to miss.

She snapped back “I won’t call you at work any more then.”  All or Nothing.

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No Offense Intended, but I will be Strong

strength

strength (Photo credit: S.H.CHOW)

I have been thinking a lot about ideas for my next blog post. Funny how things fall right into your lap.

This past week has been full. I’ve been editing the book, A Girl from the Hill . After my friend Lisa took the time to edit and proof the manuscript, my mother-in-law has kindly taken a second pass for me. Since I’m self publishing I’m not getting any formal editorial services. But with Lisa and Judy I have more than enough expertise and experience, not to mention heart, to get this book ready. I will sit with my mother tomorrow, hopefully, and start selecting pictures. Then we’re done. Fini.

I have been working on this book nearly every day for the past two years. It started out as a rough idea, and became a journey. I got to have some meaningful conversations with my mother, my sisters, my family. I learned a lot about my mother’s life, things I was too young for, or not even born for, for that matter. I learned how much we are alike, and realized how much I do love her, and myself.

A Girl From the Hill is my first public writing experience. It’s taken me my entire life to get enough confidence and strength to do this.  Saying its a labor of love sounds trite, but all my love for my family and the journeys we’ve all taken is woven into this work.

Writing has provided me with a safe haven from the stress of my daily grind, from a world where I don’t always fit in. I’m like my mom, Auntie Phil, Auntie Alice, and my grandmother Maria. I want people’s happiness more than a person should sometimes. I’m a people pleaser. But I am trying, harder each day, to please myself first. It goes against my grain, but if I don’t do it I’ll get eaten alive, I’m sure of it.

You may notice that some of my posts, my excerpts from the book, are no longer posted. Please know that it’s not because I want people to buy the book when it comes out. While I’d love everyone to buy it in tribute to my mother, a money-making venture this is not. But because I don’t want to offend anyone mentioned in my book, and on this site, I’m taking down any potentially offending words.  And I also must consider editing the book further, so that no feelings are slighted.

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Day 216 Question 216 – Who are you at your best? Your worst?

Dahlia

Day 216 Question 216.

I love sharing posts about how destructive the ego can be.  It’s what separates us from each other, separates us from God, separates us from all the love and positive energy that is ours in this world.

That’s not to say that being unique or an individual or true to yourself is bad.  It’s separating yourself from the rest of the world that’s damaging.  We all have our own unique talents, personalities, feelings.  We are all part of one big beautiful picture with different textures, colors and hues.

Diane’s post is personal but it speaks to everyone.

Give a Helping Hand

Help Others

Help Others (Photo credit: Keoki Seu)

A helping hand or encouraging word.

Sounds easy, doesn’t it?  But I believe this is a difficult lesson to learn and to practice.  That’s because the ego – that essence of our uniqueness will fight this almost every time, especially if in a work or other competitive situation where being ‘right’  or ‘recognized is considered important.

But it’s worth the fight.  I  have never forgotten those people in my life who have given me the great gift of encouragement and bolstered my confidence when I felt unsure or was ready to give up.  Those reflections help me put my monster ego aside and think about the greater good and about others before myself.

We are all connected, regardless of what we believe or want to think.  The people we find despicable and pathetic are still human, just like we are.  Be happy that your path provides you insight into your flaws so that you can always strive to be better, and provide encouragement and forgiveness for those who unable to.  This all can be done without being a fool, a doormat or overly naive.  Self-love is important too, but not to the level where it isolates you from your connection with humanity

My lesson for this week- help and encourage others – building up others will never tear me down.